Shomer-Tec Catalog 2003



Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

The...interesting...opinions of Dave Sim, writier-artist of Cerebus the Aardvark: "'I think that you like most women misunderstand the limited contribution which the female makes to an embryo with her 24 chromosomes. I think the evidence suggests that women provide the 'back end of the horse', primarily the legs. Men who are born 'intersexuals' ? with two 'x' (female) chromosomes as well as a Y (male) chromosome ? invariably have longer legs. I'm not saying I would want to try living without my legs, but if it came to a choice between the bottom half of my body and the top half of m body, it would be no contest. There are many traits that women pass on to their unborn babies, but the most valuable of these traits originate with the masculine chromosomes. Women can be carriers of masculine chromosome traits, but I don't think the evidence supports in any way that masculine chromosomal traits originate with women? Given the limited female contribution to the embryo, I think it only sensible that all men be consulted about the disposition of the unborn fetus which they themselves implanted within a given woman. If genuine fairness is to be achieved relative to the respective contributions to the fetus, I think women should only have control over the fetus's legs and be permitted to decide which babies are to be born with legs and which babies are to be born double amputees. The man imparts the seed, women are just the box the seed grows in.' "


What. The. Fuck?

The secret ingredient is still otter: "Partial Transcript Of The Onion's Recent Appearance On The Cerebus TV Show

The Onion: 'Why an aardvark, specifically?'

Dave Sim: That's absolutely correct.

The Onion: We'll take 'African Mammals' for 400.

Dave Sim: 'Although he started out with a more accurate elongated snout, in later years it became short and blunt.'

The Onion: 'Who is Cerebus the Aardvark?'

Dave Sim: That's absolutely correct.

The Onion: We'll take 'Origins' for 200.

Dave Sim: A 500-page collection, it introduces many members of the cast but is so amateurish in parts and not user-friendly for people from the real world that it has been said that it serves as a lousy introduction to what 6,000-page graphic novel of the same name?

The Onion: 'What is Cerebus?'

Dave Sim: That's absolutely correct.

The Onion: We'll take 'Starting Points' for 300.

Dave Sim: This 500-page graphic novel which involves a dancer, her husband, her lecherous Mama's boy employer and her neighbor based on 19th-century playwright and poet Oscar Wilde has been called 'witty,' 'insightful,' 'moving,' and is considered the best Cerebus starting point for female readers.

The Onion: Uhhhh?

Dave Sim: Any ideas?

The Onion: (shrugs helplessly)

Dave Sim: 'What is Jaka's Story?'

The Onion: (makes an 'Oh darn, I knew that one' gesture)

Dave Sim: Next category?

The Onion: We'll take 'Starting Points' for 400.

Dave Sim: Anyone who thinks this 20th-century American novelist who won the Nobel Prize for literature is an overrated fake will find much to enjoy in the story and annotations to the 14th Cerebus graphic novel, Form & Void.

The Onion: "Who is Ham Ernestway?"

Dave Sim: Uh. The question was, "Anyone who thinks this 20th-century…"

The Onion: "Who is Ernest Hemingway?"

Dave Sim: That's right. Ham Ernestway was…

The Onion: …the parody character. Ham and Mary Ernestway. Um. We'll take "Today's Society" for 100.

Dave Sim: Although it purports to be an open-minded societal movement, this leftist ideology's closed-mindedness is a lot of the reason you've never heard of Cerebus.

The Onion: Feminism.

Dave Sim: Your answer must be in the form of a…

The Onion: "What is feminism?"

Dave Sim: That's absolutely correct.

The Onion: We'll take "Today's Society" for 200.

Dave Sim: In order to avoid censorship, undue pressure by advertisers, employers, and special-interest groups who seek to impose their standards and beliefs on other people, and to, instead, enjoy complete creative freedom, many artists and writers are turning to this recent…

The Onion: "What is self-publishing?" We'll take "Today's Society" for 300.

Dave Sim: Having had — for 26 years and three months — virtually unlimited space in the back of his comic book to write 100,000 and 200,000-word serialized essays on what he considered the most pressing subjects of the day — some examples being "how feminism usurped the Civil Rights movement from black men" in "Tangent," "How the Western democracies became so feminized that they failed to support the United States in the war on terrorism" in "Why Canada Slept," and "Why he chose a combination of Judaism, Christianity, and Islam as his personal system of belief" in "Islam, My Islam," this controversial self-published comic-book artist — who is now being asked by many media outlets (whose formats don't allow any article longer than 4,000 words) to explain his life and work over the last quarter century in postage-stamp-sized spaces — recently published the 300th issue of his groundbreaking alternative series which began in December of 1977.

The Onion: Uhhh. We give up.

Dave Sim: "Who is Dave Sim?"



Dave Sim is NUTS. I mean, Bush makes more sense then this guy. Yikes.

Anime Lighter Perfect Grade: Kingdom Hearts


Am I nuts, or is it REALLY wrong for a Disney charactor to be on a lighter?

Jesus fuck, who knew captian america had such a rack:

http://underdark.iti.fi/~skiriki/Snark/capliefeldop.jpg

Pecos Bills's Teriyaki Beef Jerky


What's the fucking chance of Pecos Bill ever having heard of teryaki? Nil? That's too high chum.

Prawn Cracker: "Why not try EBI FLOWER with luxury fresh shrimps, rich calcium and mouthfeel to satisfy real shrimp taste!'"

Of course it has real shrimp taste, it has FUCKING REAL SHRIMPS IN IT!

I hear Marvel Comics is debating wether or not to make Johnny Storm gay.


















Well, he's always saying "Flame on".














What?